My life will be better when… (fill in the blank). This is something I regularly hear my client’s say.
Because of what I do, people often lack a positive mindset. ‘My life will be better when’ is often filled in with “when I get a job” or “when I get a better job” or “when I leave this company” or “when I figure out what I want to do when I grow up….”.
It doesn’t matter what you fill in the blank with, the bottom line is this: Your life will only get better once you change to a positive mindset.
Have you ever noticed when you leave one company to get away from someone you don’t get along with, you go to another company only to find someone else you don’t get along with?
Or maybe you decide to make a move because you are feeling undervalued (and you might very well be), and you go work somewhere new only to find out you are undervalued there too?
Stop the Insanity
Changing companies might in fact be the right answer, but if you notice a recurring theme starting to happen where the same thing tends to show up in your life and repeat itself, it’s time to take a step back and look at the possibility that YOU might be the problem. Or more specifically, your mindset.
What do I mean by this?
Is it really your job (relationship, home, partner, cat….) that is making you unhappy or is it how you are thinking about it?
There might indeed be a number of reasons why you are unhappy. Perhaps, it is your boss who is a micromanager, or worse yet, a bully, who’s making your life miserable. It could be your neighbour who is keeping you up all night due to the noise they are making. Maybe, it’s the relationship you are in that is making you feel bad.
All that said, before you conclude it’s an external factor that’s causing you this pain, ask yourself these questions:
- Have I tried everything to rectify the problem?
- Is there something I’m doing that’s causing this situation?
Look at Reality
Take some time and assess what is really bothering you. We have a tendency to blow things out of proportion when we are upset and say things like “Everybody hates me.” or “Work sucks!”. Chances are pretty good that not everyone hates you and if there are some people that don’t appear to like you, see if you can find at least some people that do like you (even if it’s your Mom). If you aren’t happy at work, look specifically for the things that tend to bother you.
Focus on the Positives and a Positive Mindset
Sometimes when we have been focusing on the negatives for so long, we tend to forget about the positives. Why did you move to this location in the first place? What attracted you to this person? What made you decide to take this job? Ask yourself what initially made you choose this person / home / job / thing. Do these same things still bring you happiness? If not, ask yourself why not? What has changed?
It may sound simple or obvious, but negativity can breed negativity.
Note all the things that you like about the situation. Think about what could make it even better.
If you want help with positive thinking, you can read my short article on going to your happy place or get eleven tips on positive thinking from Psychology Today. You may find mindfulness helps you take time to appreciate the good things in your life. You can learn more about mindfulness in my article on being in the moment.
No Really, You Need to Adopt a Positive Mindset
Sometimes we do have to make a change in our environment and with those who are affecting us negatively. But first let’s start by examining our own mindset and seeing if we can live a better life right now by changing the way we are thinking. Here are a few suggestions on how to do just that:
Evaluate What is Within Your Control
Another way of putting this is what can I change? We can only change the things that are within our control. How another person acts – not within our control. What another person says or does – not within our control. What we do, what we think, what we feel – are all within our control. A positive mindset is within our control.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” If you can’t change the situation itself, figure out ways you can train your brain to be more positive instead.
Commit to Start Today
As I say repeatedly, the first key step to any self-improvement is to start. You can start today. Indeed you can start right now. To work on a positive mindset, start with something you feel positive about — something you are thankful for. Take a moment to really appreciate that thing or person in your life. Consider how you can make the positives a bigger focus in your life. Tell yourself that your challenges are a temporary situation and you have what it takes to make your life better right now.
Today you can also consider what skills or knowledge you need to improve and what your long-term goals should be. You can refine these considerations over time, but jot something down right now just to get started. Whether that is getting experience for your dream job, saving money for a move to a better neighbourhood or having the strength to end a challenging relationship.
Not all problems can be fixed, with a change in our mindset BUT, by changing our mindset, we can change how we are feeling about the existing problem at hand.
You’ve got this and you’ve got this now.
If you are still struggling with a positive mindset, get in touch with me to learn more about how to develop new skills, stay positive, keep your eye on the prize and start enjoying life.
My career and life coaching services include a one-on-one coaching for assisting you to move forward.
Discover your true potential.
You’ll be healthier, happier and more successful.